Gong Show

You should have been at Superstore today around 5pm.
That's where I was.
With my kids.

It was a gong show.

Newborn screaming in my arms.
Toddler trying to crawl out of cart.
Four year old pushing the cart into walls and people.
Big girl begging to hold baby, insisting that she won't move a muscle till she gets her way.
Bigger girl trying to parent her siblings but really only heightening the craziness...

Not sure what groceries I actually got?

Oh you should have seen us.
You totally missed it because it was a one time thing. {I hope}

Can you "order in" your groceries?
I sure wish I could.

Keeping It Real

This morning we took our first outing as a family of 8.

To the grocery store to get diapers.

Before we left the house, I got over heated blow drying my hair, I had too many layers of clothing on yet when I tried to change, nothing fit.  I have to make sure my shirt can work for nursing.  My maternity clothes are too big but my regular clothes are too small.  

Cait was dropping little pieces of Playmobil all over the house, a toy that I really like to try to keep together and not lose the pieces.  Caleb was running wild and I could see that Maddie was wearing summer clothes on this cold day.

I knew we still had to put the car set together and the baby needed to be changed, nursed, burped...

Not to mention I had no list and we were headed to the grocery store.

It was all too much and I gave myself a time out in the closet...which turned into a meltdown complete with tears.

We still went.

I still changed my Facebok status to "First outing as a family of 8"

 I did't get a picture of my girl on her first outing.  I forgot.  It wasn't the Norman Rockwell image I had in my head of this occasion.  Kinda disappointing.  But pretty much reality for the moment.

When I got home, someone had written "you are like a modern day miracle" under my status.  Super nice {and very clever and funny} comment, I was completely flattered but felt a teeny bit guilty that perhaps I sweep the mess to the side and just show the good stuff a little too often.

It's good to keep it real every once in a while.

We should all be able to admit when life is hard or disappointing.

None of us live up all the time:)

So here's my current reality.

Let's tour my house in it's current state.

 Kitchen

Pretty sure this mess is from more than one meal.

Living Room

{here are two of my kids...there are two more playing downstairs, one at Grandma's house and one on Lego.com}

Kid Bedroom

My Bedroom

Accountable

It's gone on long enough. 

I do school, I do meals, I drive to activities, I go grocery shopping, I am a wife, I am a mom.  I spend a good portion of every day tidying up the main part of the house.

Putting away the same things over

and over

and over

and over

again. 

At the end of the day, when small people are going to sleep, my brain is spinning with the things I have been planning to do during these hours.  The things that I need to get done or maybe want to get done.  Problem is, by this time in the day, all I want to do is sit

and put my feet up,

do nothing,

and enjoy the silence.

So this is my excuse for how my room ends up looking like this:

and even worse, THIS:

This is not a photo from the show "Hoarders".

It is the forgotten pile, the neglected corner.  The junk drawer turned shelf turned insurmountable problem that nags at the back of my mind daily.  It is what defeats me before my feet hit the floor in the morning.  The first thing I see.

For all the nice things people say about how creative I am or how I manage to do it all, this is what pops into my head...what you can't see.

I can't handle the pile anymore and even if I could, I have a baby coming in about a month and this corner is where the baby cradle belongs.

How can I possibly nest with this mess festering in the corner???

Today that is going to change.  

{once I am done procrastinating on this here blog}

You are keeping me accountable.

I shared the before pictures.

{something I never do, 

I usually shove any type of mess or imperfections out of the photos 

before I snap}

Now I have to tackle my nemesis once and for all.

I have no excuses.

Look at the open shelving in the guest room downstairs!

Look at this gorgeous table and available bookshelf just waiting to be used as a craft corner!!

Lucky girl!

Here I go.
Wish me luck and keep asking to see the finished product until I post the photos!
I need your help!

An Honest Attempt at Thankfulness

Tomorrow we will celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada.

The cranberry sauce, the cranberry salad, the pumpkin chiffon pie are all prepared.  I am looking forward to enjoying the day with Mike's family.

Thanksgiving, for me, always includes these yummy side dishes and all the staples; turkey, gravy, etc. but it's also a great time to take a second and reflect on what I'm thankful for.  

Honestly, these days I have not been feeling thankful.  I have been feeling like a martyr.  I am tired and cranky from having Cait in my bed pulling my hair all night.  I am defeated from being met with opposition at any instructions that I give to the oldest two.  I am irritable from listening to Caleb's SERIOUSLY way too loud voice ALWAYS talking or making unnecessary noise.  I am ashamed of the times I just nod and say "um hm" while Maddie is following me around talking my ear off.  I am frustrated with the enormous amount that needs to be done to keep the house going on a regular day; three meals, two snacks, 5 kitchen and table clean ups, poopy diaper changing, the more than one load a day of laundry, the putting away of the toys as Cait and Caleb take them out and leave them everywhere.  I am discouraged with how hard it is to homeschool so many children at different ages and I am desperate to just be alone, not to go to the grocery store, but to just sit and have my brain to myself, or to spend a few hours just being me, whoever that may be, with no strings attached.

So there's the truth.  The not-so-perfect side of Banmanland.  Ha!


"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

My heart is not broken, I have no big tragedy to be dramatic about but sometimes life just gets hard. It is so good to have hope and something eternal, someone bigger to fall back on!  Pick me up Lord and set me back on my feet!!

"Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything.  Tell God your needs and don't forget to thank Him for all He has done" Philippians 4:6

This Thanksgiving I will be on my knees, asking for strength, for grace and for a renewed mind.  I have more than I ever thought I wanted and I am so thankful.  The whole thing kind of falls apart when the Mommy running the show starts to crumble.  I am so ready to turn this ship around and enjoy this life